Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Bite your tongue.

Carrie Ann found herself in an interesting situation with her two kids last week. Michael is in 8th grade, and he and his younger sister Anna were in the car with their mom. It came up in conversation that a neighborhood girl had been passing around a cigarette at the bus stop earlier that day. Frankly, Carrie Ann was shocked, and nearly stopped the car. She said her typical response would have been to launch into a lecture.

Smoking is one of those hot-button issues that gets Carrie Ann going… she holds a high value on a healthy lifestyle, and considers it part of her job to teach her kids about this topic. She told me that she thought to herself “I should be lecturing them now… this is one of those teachable moments…” but instead, she tried a different strategy. She has been listening to my audio program on improving communication with your teens and she had my words ringing in her ears… “Listen, listen, listen!” So she bit her tongue. Instead of lecturing, she listened to what her kids had to say about the topic. And what a revelation it was! She heard her son express that smoking is disgusting to him… and she didn’t have to say a word.

When Carrie Ann probed, she asked her son “How did it make you feel when those girls were passing around the cigarette?” That’s a great open-ended question, and it did exactly what it’s supposed to do. Her son opened up more, sharing his point of view about all the many reasons smoking is unpleasant and undesirable. Carrie Ann was delighted to hear him say this. She said to me “Now I know my son really is hearing what I have to say!”

You can’t listen when you are speaking, so biting your tongue can be a helpful thing to keep in mind when you want to communicate well with your kids. That and the strategic use of an open-ended question yielded a far more valuable conversation than any lecture could ever do.

Thanks for subscribing to my Two-Minute Tips for Parenting Teens ……. til next week, I’m Sue Blaney.

Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Seek Wisdom. >>Listen

I’m enjoying listening to Andy Andrew’s audiobook Mastering the Seven Decisions that Determine Personal Success. It’s interesting, inspirational and informative…. and relevant to parenting teenagers. He says we should “seek wisdom,” which is very relevant advice for parents, and I suggest it may be a good place for you to spend some energy in the upcoming holidays.

Wisdom comes from people who have experience and who have reflected on their experiences. More on Seek Wisdom 2 Minute Tip #86

Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com. My tip this week is Relax; have faith it will all work out. >>Listen

I’m preparing to head out to Colorado for my son’s graduation from college. Needless to say this is a big event in his life and ours, and we are very excited! And I’m reflecting on the long and winding road we took to get here… and how much I would have benefitted at times from this very advice.

There were times early in his high school career when I was consumed with concern and worry. I remember wondering how I was going to make it through his teenage years. More on Relax; Have Faith Things Will Work Out - 2 Minute Tip #85

Hi Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com
My tip this week is Set Expectations… Yours and Your Teens’ >>Listen

Setting expectations is an often-forgotten strategy that can be really helpful in smoothing out family dynamics. The key to successfully setting expectations is to be proactive…to step out of the current moment, predict what may happen in a future situation, and prepare in advance.  We don’t always have the opportunity to do this, but when we do we can enjoy better results.

Let’s consider a few scenarios: More on Set Expectations - Yours and Your Teen's 2 Minute Tip #84

HI Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Throw away the Blackberry! >>Listen

This week’s 2 minute tip came from seeing Frank Luntz throw his cell phone across the studio in a recent Today Show interview. His point is well taken: parents need to get off the phone when it takes your attention away from your teenagers.  

As a society our inappropriate and discourteous use of cell phones has gotten way out of hand. It’s time to rein things in, and if you do you can improve the relationships that matter most.

I have a good friend who lives tied to his cell phone. More on Throw Away the Blackberry! 2 Minute Tip #83

Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Use Role Playing as a Teaching Tool >>Listen

A mom recently told me that many kids are drinking at football games. She is concerned that her freshman daughter will feel pressure to do the same. She asked what she could do to teach her daughter to say no.

Another mother of an impressionable 7th grader was strategizing with her son about how he might say “no” to his friends when they were involved in something inappropriate. She was struggling to find the right words. More on Use Role Playing as a Teaching Tool 2 minute tip #82

Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Give Your Teenager an “A” >>Listen

In their inspiring book The Art of Possibility, Ben and Ros Zander share a simple and profound concept. As a teacher, Ben lets his students know that they begin each semester with an A. He assumes they are worthy of an A, and that is where he begins his relationship with them. Ben is a renowned instructor at the New England Conservatory of Music and the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra.

Now, I know you aren’t in a position to give grades to your kids, so I’m speaking a bit figuratively here.  I invite you have some fun with this concept and to think creatively about this. Here’s my thought: If you were to give your teen an assumptive “A” every day, what would this change?  I suggest it could change several things: More on Give Your Teenager an "A" - 2 Minute Tip #81

Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is coach your teen to handle stress productively. >>Listen

Stress is a big issue with teenagers today. Stress from school is a number one complaint, and kids face stress from many other areas in life – too many activities, poor self-image, illness, family financial problems, separation or divorce …you really can’t eliminate stress from your teen’s life. But there are some ways you can help your kids deal with it.  Let’s consider how you can teach your teenager to manage the stress he faces.

First, I suggest you adopt an attitude of “coach” on this subject, and let your teenager know that stress is a part of life that is both good and bad. More on Coach Your Teen to Handle Stress Productively 2 Min Tip #80

Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is tread gently as your teen walks in the door. >>Listen

Jen, your 10th grader, is getting off the bus outside your house…you can see her walking up the driveway. You know she has a report due tomorrow, she left her room a mess, she has to walk the dog, return a phone call about babysitting, get herself to tutoring at 4:30 and…and…and. It’s going to be a busy afternoon and evening, and you know the pressure is on.

Your tendency, as the family planner and manager, is to remind her, organize her, and make sure it all gets done. You know if you don’t stay on her something is likely to fall through the cracks. More on Tread Gently as Your Teen Walks in the Door 2 Minute Tip #79

Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Wag more, bark less. >>Listen

These lovely words of wisdom came from a bumper sticker that I saw last week, and I can’t get it out of my mind. It’s made me think about all that we can learn from our loving pets… which provides some food for thought as we raise our teenagers.

Here are some simple lessons from our four legged friends. Consider the questions they raise: More on Wag More, Bark Less….2 Minute Tip #78