Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Look Beyond the Obvious >>Listen

Carol wrote to me two years ago complaining of her daughter’s lack of communication. At the time she said, “What do you do about a teen that won’t communicate? My daughter shuts down, says nothing, stares off into space and just shrugs her shoulders in response to conversations about anything that might be uncomfortable.” Interestingly, I just heard back from Carol again who wanted to let me know the issue was resolved and her daughter is now happy, communicative and preparing to graduate and go off to college. Carol said something significant: “It really was a very short turnaround once we recognized the problem for what it was.”

You see, at the time Carol almost fell into the trap of believing that her daughter’s behavior was “normal” teen behavior - many parents attribute this kind of teen behavior to bad attitude, defiance, laziness or what have have you. But fortunately, Carol looked beyond the obvious, and by doing so she learned that her daughter was dealing with depression. Carol learned that depression in teenagers may look differently than in does in adults. Carol needed to look beyond the obvious to diagnose the problem and access the solutions to help her daughter.

When you are trying to understand what’s going on with your teen how do you “look beyond the obvious?” I have three simple suggestions:

1. Begin by being open-minded as you define the problem and seek possible solutions.
2. Gather information. Speak to others with whom your teen interacts so you can get a broader picture of how he is behaving outside of home.
3. Understand that you may not be the best person to diagnose the problem or find the solution. Like Carol you may need to access professional support.

Whether your family is dealing with major problems like the one Carol and her daughter faced, or just minor situations, it’s important to remember to look beyond the obvious, because often that is where the answers lie.

For those of you who can relate to Carol’s complaint, here are some links to some helpful articles:

The Elusive Face of Teen Depression
Communicating With Teens When the Going Gets Rough
When Your Gut Says "Get Help" What Do You Do?

Thanks for subscribing to my 2 Minute Tips for Parenting Teens. ‘Til next week, I’m Sue Blaney.