Hi Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com
My tip this week is Set Expectations… Yours and Your Teens’ >>Listen

Setting expectations is an often-forgotten strategy that can be really helpful in smoothing out family dynamics. The key to successfully setting expectations is to be proactive…to step out of the current moment, predict what may happen in a future situation, and prepare in advance.  We don’t always have the opportunity to do this, but when we do we can enjoy better results.

Let’s consider a few scenarios:

Your high school freshman has signed up for the 9th grade ski outing. Although she is excited, you are little concerned because all her friends are very competent skiers, and she is a novice. You don’t want her following her friends down slopes that are beyond her skills. It will be really helpful if you talk about both what she might expect from her friends, and what your expectations are about how she will ski safely. Have several conversations with her before the trip. You might set her up to envision and expect her more experienced friends to go off on different trails while she skiis the bunny hill or takes a lesson. Let her know she can meet her friends at lunch or at the end of the day, and that this is the only way she’s going to become good enough to eventually ski with them. This kind of proactive discussion can be helpful in many situations with teenagers.

Here's another scenario: Your family has been invited to a holiday party where there will be lots of other kids and families, but your 6th grader is shy and a bit uncomfortable with people he doesn’t know well. Well ahead of the party begin to prepare your young teen, and do your best to let him know who is likely to be there. Ask him to think about how he might approach some of the kids his age, what they might like to do or talk about at the party. The more you engage his creativity and participation, and the more he is able to plan his approach, the more able he is to gather his internal resources and not be intimidated by this social situation.

Do you have a college freshman about to come home for Christmas vacation? What kind of expectations do you have?  You probably dream about the long conversations you’ll have, the wonderful meals you’ll linger over, and the shopping you’ll do together. Better check in around your expectations, though …. many a college freshman can’t wait to reconnect with friends, and sometimes family members can have their feelings hurt as they watch their teen run out the door.  Best to communicate about your expectations for family time, and discuss your college student’s needs and expectations too.

A proactive point of view can really help in smoothing out family dynamics and easing situations of all kinds. When you can plan ahead, you can prepare your family members and set expectations so everyone is prepared and empowered.

Thanks for subscribing to my Two-Minute Tips for Parenting Teens ……. ‘Til next week…I'm Sue Blaney