November 13, 2009
Use Role Playing as a Teaching Tool 2 minute tip #82
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Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com
My tip this week is Use Role Playing as a Teaching Tool >>Listen
A mom recently told me that many kids are drinking at football games. She is concerned that her freshman daughter will feel pressure to do the same. She asked what she could do to teach her daughter to say no.
Another mother of an impressionable 7th grader was strategizing with her son about how he might say “no” to his friends when they were involved in something inappropriate. She was struggling to find the right words.
A number of years ago I went to a talk given by a Harvard University expert on girls, date rape and sexual assault. She said something that really stuck with me: she said that it isn’t enough for a kid to practice saying “no” in her head, she has to say the words aloud with her voice and hear it with her ears. When she practices saying “no” out loud, it makes a bigger impression in her brain. In experiencing the words coming out of her mouth she learns that she has the power to say them when it’s necessary. It is in the process of hearing herself say these critical words that she is empowering herself to act when the situation requires it.
Role playing enables your teen to practice his or her response to various situations, and it is one of the single most powerful teaching tools a parent has.
Trainers and educators know that learning is enhanced when more senses are engaged, and that is part of the magic to this approach. And when you take the teaching out of the theoretical realm (as in “What would you do if you were approached to join some kids who are drinking?”) and instead replace it with a role play, the discussion becomes more concrete. You might say “I’m going to play the part of a cool upper classman at the football game; let’s practice how you can respond when he offers you a drink.” This will enable your teenager to come up with a response in his own words, a response that should feel natural to him. And in your discussion you can brainstorm other approaches while helping him adjust his response and strengthen it. Practice your role play again and again…the more powerfully it is implanted in his brain by his own voice, the more easily he will come up with this response when it is necessary.
Role playing truly is one of the most powerful techniques at your disposal; let me know how it works for you! Share a comment here at ParentingTeensInfo.com with your stories.
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1 Comment on Use Role Playing as a Teaching Tool 2 minute tip #82 »
November 17, 2009
Sue Blaney @ 1:23 pm:
I received this question from a reader: I do think this is an excellent idea but wonder if anyone has any tips on engaging the recalcitrant 15 yr. old boy in this? My son may be less secure than he projects, but he acts like he is just too cool for such an activity , won't need it, and won't practice it. Any suggestions or responses from others?
Here is my reply to this mother; please add additional comments or ideas if you have them!
Hi Jean… yes, it can be challenging to engage a “cool” teen in such an activity, so let me first agree with you. We both know you can’t make a teenager do anything he doesn’t want to do. But there are a few strategies you might consider:
First….just dive right in. Perhaps when you are in the car, or when things are calm you might say “I’m going to be the cool kid at the party offering beer…. Tell me how you might respond. Hey, [your son’s name here] we’ve got some beer… Come on over and get one.” Your son might surprise you and reply!
Second… a teenager’s likelihood of engaging in such an exercise has a lot to do with timing. When he is relaxed and calm you might try to have a serious talk about the need for him to have strategies to extricate himself from bad situations. Tune in to timing and mood and it will help you play your cards right. Some parents find that staying up late at night (on their teen’s schedule) occasionally allows them to spend time with a more receptive and relaxed teenager.
Third…appeal to his sense of logic. This is actually a way of showing respect for his maturity, and he may appreciate that a lot. You might share with him the rationale I shared in the 2-minute tip. Frankly, it makes sense that anyone will be better able to recall a response if they have practiced it, and heard it in their own voice. Don’t give him the words, here…ask him to come up with them.
Fourth…. I heard a big-named business consultant speak once and he had an interesting strategy. He was suggesting an approach an consultant might use when speaking with a client who doesn’t want to reveal much. He might ask the client “What are your expectations about xxxxx?” To which the client might respond “I don’t have any expectations.” To which the consultant might say “But if you did have expectations, what might they be?” I do think you might be able to translate this approach to your discussion with your teenager… perhaps using some humor and a light touch.
ParentingTeensInfo.com is a website; it is where I post all these 2 Minute Tip podcasts. It allows you to leave comments there and would possibly attract other people to comment as well. So I’m going to paste in your question and my reply in case it generates more discussion and ideas for you. Please visit it! www.ParentingTeensInfo.com And www.PleaseStoptheRollercoaster.com as well.
Thanks and good luck. Sue Blaney