Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Give Your Teenager an “A” >>Listen

In their inspiring book The Art of Possibility, Ben and Ros Zander share a simple and profound concept. As a teacher, Ben lets his students know that they begin each semester with an A. He assumes they are worthy of an A, and that is where he begins his relationship with them. Ben is a renowned instructor at the New England Conservatory of Music and the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra.

Now, I know you aren’t in a position to give grades to your kids, so I’m speaking a bit figuratively here.  I invite you have some fun with this concept and to think creatively about this. Here’s my thought: If you were to give your teen an assumptive “A” every day, what would this change?  I suggest it could change several things:

• It could change your attitude. First, you are starting from an attitude of trust, belief and confidence in your teenager.  That is the premise from which you begin every day, every conversation.
• It could change his attitude. If your teen knew he was beginning the day with his cup full and your support and belief in him, wouldn’t that get him off to a positive start every day?
• It could change your expectations of her. Kids who do “A” work are winners; they are at the head of the class; they are competent and smart. This is an empowering assumptive position to take and it can have a real influence on your teenager.
• It could create a self-fulfilling prophesy. Rather than feeling unworthy or incompetent, your teen may just have a new self-image with new expectations of himself.

For those of you with over-achieving kids who complain of all the stress they face, letting your teen know she already has an “A” with you might loosen her up and help her to relax, knowing that she doesn’t have to prove herself to you. It might get her more focused on learning for it’s own sake, rather than stressing over the reward or grade.

For those of you with kids at the other end of the spectrum, they may benefit from knowing that they are a winner already with you…just for being who they are. They will know that your love and respect doesn’t hinge on their performance.

I hope this food for thought inspires you to adjust your attitude and expectations a bit ..have some fun with this. Even though your attitude shift may be subtle, I’ll bet anything your teenager will notice a difference. And I hope you’ll let me know what happens!

Thanks for subscribing to my Two-Minute Tips for Parenting Teens ……. ‘Til next week…I'm Sue Blaney