Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is tread gently as your teen walks in the door. >>Listen

Jen, your 10th grader, is getting off the bus outside your house…you can see her walking up the driveway. You know she has a report due tomorrow, she left her room a mess, she has to walk the dog, return a phone call about babysitting, get herself to tutoring at 4:30 and…and…and. It’s going to be a busy afternoon and evening, and you know the pressure is on.

Your tendency, as the family planner and manager, is to remind her, organize her, and make sure it all gets done. You know if you don’t stay on her something is likely to fall through the cracks.

Let’s look at this scenario from Jen’s point of view. She just spent most of her day feeling badly because her best friend is ignoring her and sat with another group of kids at lunch. She heard someone say behind her back that they hated the new sweater she was wearing, her hair looked terrible. She got a C- on her book report and is worried because she doesn’t understand the new unit in math class. To top it off, there is an invitation to a weekend party going around, and so far she hasn’t been invited.

Fact is, Jen’s reality is quite different than yours. If you want to truly support her, and enhance your relationship with her in the process, it matters how you handle yourself as she comes in the door. Don’t jump down her throat. Let her chill a little. Give her the opportunity to process her day. If you are lucky and play your cards right she may process it out loud and tell you what is going on.

A woman who recently heard me speak sent me a note; she said “What resonated with me the most was the reminder that my middle schooler is being constantly judged throughout the day by his peers and that when he comes home from school he's exhausted and needs some time to unwind, decompress and feel safe.  Sometimes I forget this and I barrage him with questions about academics, tests and homework.  When my son came home from school today, I spent some time just talking about whatever he wanted to [it was his friends] instead of the typical ‘how did you do on the test?’ or ‘how much homework do you have tonight?’. I made a point to recognize that he needed to chill out and get some downtime before we delved into the homework / school work scenario.”  

I encourage you to sensitize yourself to your teen’s point of view as he or she is walking in your door. Welcome them home softly, gently, and give them time to process, relax and get ready for the next chapter in their day….hopefully one that feels safe and nurturing.

Thanks for subscribing to my Two-Minute Tips for Parenting Teens……. ‘Til next week…I'm Sue Blaney