Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Don’t judge this book by its cover >>Listen

How often do you find yourself judging someone by their looks? Judging teenagers based on their physical appearance can be particularly tempting…and wrong! My message to you when it comes to teens is “don’t judge this book by its cover!”

Here’s where we go wrong: adults expect more mature and adult-like behavior from boys who are ahead of their peers in terms of their physical development. This can be unfair because adults may have expectations that this boy cannot fulfill… so he’ll be letting people down through no fault of his own. This can set up a negative set of circumstances for this teen, and it’s all because adults’ expectations are off base. Adults tend to see later-maturing boys as less physically attractive, less popular, more talkative and bossy. This isn’t fair or accurate either.

You see, teens develop in 5 major ways: emotionally, cognitively, sexually, socially, and physically. What you may not be aware of, is these 5 areas are not synchronized – particularly in the case of younger teenagers. These areas of development each happen on their own timetable and they are not well coordinated. This explains why you may see an 8th grade boy who is practically ready to shave behaving in a way that is less mature than his peers. Discrepancies like this are perfectly normal. Girls, too, have a wide variance in the time tables for their various areas of development.  A girl who may be late to develop physically, could be ahead of the curve cognitively, or emotionally. This happens all the time.

There is danger and possible harm if you fall into the trap of making judgments and assumptions based on the physical package of the teenagers you know. You might think that physically mature girls should be dating boys who are much older… not! By being off base in this way…by making assumptions about a teenager’s capabilities or level of maturity based on how they look, adults can really throw a kid off base. Older-looking teens may feel that they can’t live up to expectations; younger looking teens may feel unworthy or less capable or less confident.

For teens there is a lot attached to their physical development… and research has shown that adults’ misinterpretation can yield consequences that impact teens well into their adulthood.  Please try and tune into your teenager’s developmental stages in all five areas – not just the physical attributes that you see – and set your expectations and responses accordingly.

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