Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Practice Using Open-Ended Questions >>Listen

If you are like many parents, you spend a lot of time problem solving. And it’s parents’ natural tendency to tell our kids what to do and how to solve their problems. We’ve spent their lifetime so far managing them this way….and it’s time to make a change. To guide your teen to find her own solutions is learned behavior….your learned behavior.

First though, take a moment to consider why you want your teen to find his own solutions. If your tenth grade son is having trouble interacting with a particular teacher, he will develop skills for diplomacy, creativity and communicating with adults if he addresses this himself. If your daughter is facing social issues with girlfriends she’ll need to maneuver her way through the group dynamics without you being there. You have an important role to play here…but it is as a coach or mentor. Whether the issue your teen faces is getting the college applications done on time or remembering the homework assignment from math class, these are your teenager’s problems to solve. It’s important that your intention be to guide and empower your teenager to learn how to solve these problems on her own.

For you, the magic lies in the open ended question and in listening well. In simplest terms an open ended question is one that won’t be answered by a one-word response. The key lies in the quality of your questions. Here are some great examples: when helping your teen face an issue you might ask…
•    What do you want to happen here?
•    What are you planning to do about it?
•    How important is this to you?
•    What are your options here?

Refrain from telling your teenager what to do. By using open-ended questions you now have an opening to make suggestions while keeping the primary responsibility in her court. If you disagree with what she is planning to do about her situation you now have the opportunity to give your input and add information. This will be a process of give and take…and the quality of your listening is the key to your success.

It’s a powerful combination, the open-ended question and this way of intentional listening. If you do this well, you will find yourself with regular opportunities to guide and empower your teen.

Thanks for subscribing to my Two-Minute Tips for Parenting Teens at PTI.com……. ‘Til next week…I'm Sue Blaney