Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is How to support your teen’s social efforts >>Listen

Your teenager’s social world is not to be taken lightly…and if your teen is having trouble finding her group of friends right now you’re probably feeling her pain. Friends are everything for teenagers.   

Here are some ideas as to how you can help if your teen is having trouble finding friends:

• Encourage her to invite a friend over or go out of your way to take the kids to the mall or a ball game. Help her to have opportunities to connect with and develop personal ties with friends. You can make it easy or hard. Help make it easier.
• Talk about what a good friendship looks and feels like. If your teen exhibits some insensitivity help him see that that might be what is getting in his way of making friends. Everybody wants to be understood; help him learn how to express empathy and show interest in others.
• Use yourself as an example. Share what you have learned about friendship – especially the lessons learned the hard way so she knows you have struggled at times too.
• Don’t knock the kids in his peer group. It’s best to be non-judgmental for many reasons…including the fact that you are modeling how to treat people.
• Encourage your teen to try a new activity to expose herself to a different group of kids. Let her see she has to change her routine to find the friend she is seeking.
• Let him know that listening is the most important skill he will need. Often a kid who is seeking friendship thinks that he may need to boast or sell himself as a big shot in order to be noticed and liked; however this is often the wrong strategy. Showing interest in what others are doing and listening to what they have to say is a much more effective way to engage and connect with peers. Your teenager may not know this and may benefit from some gentle coaching on this important point.
• Know that friendships and groups change during junior high and high school. This is perfectly normal as kids develop new interests, experiment with new ways of being and seek deeper friendships. This means there is always room for a new friend.

While you don’t want to play too much of a direct role in your teenager’s social life – after all these are skills he must develop himself, there is a lot of behind-the-scenes support you can give. Many kids really need adult guidance here so tune in and offer gentle and sensitive coaching. And there is one thing you can count on: things will change.

Thanks for subscribing to my Two-Minute Tips for Parenting Teens ……. ‘Til next week…I'm Sue Blaney