Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Define “gossip” with your teen >>Listen

I spoke with a mom yesterday who marveled aloud at the major and serious problems faced by some of her 8th grade daughter’s friends. This mom told me that her daughter was reluctant to talk about these issues explaining that she “didn’t want to gossip.”  Teens may need some guidance here on the definition of gossip, so listen up. This is a nuance…. And an important one.  

In this case, this 8th grader had a friend who was hospitalized with a mental breakdown, and another friend whose Dad had had to go into detox. Now a teen who is sensitive enough to not want to gossip about such private traumas is certainly one with good instincts, BUT if your teen won’t talk about such affairs with you then she is denying herself access to vital adult guidance. Big problems like these require adult input and perspective; your teen needs you to help her through these minefields. And it is an opportunity you don’t want to miss.

I suggest you have a talk with your teenager and discuss the distinction between “gossip” and speaking confidentially with one’s parents….do this whether or not you are aware of the issues and problems your teen is facing with his friends. If a teen tells his parents about a problem a friend is facing, this should not be considered gossip if the parent will be providing confidential counsel. Kids need to know that some problems are too big for them to sort through and manage on their own.

The key here is your response and behavior. You must never respond to or perpetuate gossip. Your behavior must be that of a completely trustworthy confidant. This is your opportunity to provide input, knowledge and guidance on some of the big challenges that teenagers and families really face. And it’s your chance to demonstrate to your teen that you can listen and be trusted with sensitive information.  Once you have established that, your teen will know that s/he can come to you when there are big or delicate issues at hand.

Playing a key role in helping your teen maneuver through these dicey and difficult situations isn’t the fun part of parenting, but it may be some of the most important work you can do.

Thanks for subscribing to my Two-Minute Tips for Parenting Teens……. ‘Til next week…I'm Sue Blaney