Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is – Link Freedom and Responsibility >>Listen

I received a query from a mom of a teenager asking for my input on curfew times for her teen. New curfews and questions about updated rules are relevant now as a new school year begins. As they go up a grade teens may have expectations for additional freedom; and they will likely be making some new friends and opportunities for new social activities could be on the horizon. So let’s talk about curfews in the context of additional freedom for your teen in general.

What kind of additional freedoms are appropriate as your teen grows? The answer to this question is a personal choice; the right answer for one family may be different than the answer in another. What’s important to keep in mind, is that while your teen is learning to manage additional freedom s/he needs to be taking on additional responsibility as well. When the two are not linked, a sense of entitlement may develop that could undermine your best intentions.

How exactly do you link freedom and responsibility? It’s not difficult – but it does take intention and attention on your part. His new drivers license should be accompanied by the responsibility to buy his own gas, or pay for his insurance or drive his younger sister to dance lessons. An extension on the curfew for your new high school freshman could link to a commitment to babysit younger siblings weekly or the requirement that he spend Saturday mornings helping out around the house. Be clear that additional freedom links to additional responsibilities so that your teen learns there is no “free lunch.” This is real world life-lesson material…. You don’t get something for nothing.

The right curfew time, indeed the right level of freedom for your teen will be determined by his/her level of maturity, your trust in his judgment, your knowledge of her activities and whereabouts and your level of comfort with his friends…. among other things.  Discussing this topic with other parents can provide good ideas as well as a sense for what your teen is expecting.  But in the end, the level of freedom you allow or the time of the curfew is personal choice; don’t feel you must succumb to others’ rules.

Linking freedom with responsibility heightens the value of the freedom and helps your teen respect her new privileges. Your attentiveness is required however to maximize the value in this approach, so be prepared and tuned in to the role you will need to play. Trust me on this… you are doing your teen a favor by connecting these two things and not giving him a free ride.

Thanks for subscribing to my Two-Minute Tips for Parenting Teens……. ‘Til next week…I'm Sue Blaney