Hi Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Choose Your Battles >>Listen

This is classic good advice… and you’ve probably been hearing this since you were a kid. So why is it so difficult for parents to heed?

Ben is a 17 year old who is not doing what he is supposed to be doing. His dad found a small cartload of lighters in Ben’s room….and still believes his son isn’t smoking. Ben regularly misses his 11pm curfew…but there are no consequences and his parents are already in bed anyway.  Ben’s 24 year old sister has had to pick Ben up from the police station on more than one occasion… but the only thing that really got his Dad upset was when Ben didn’t mow the lawn. At some level his parents know he’s in trouble, and yet they are turning their heads the other way. What do you think? Are they picking the right battles?

Bree loves her body pierces and her wildly colored hair. She changes her hair color and style every few weeks; she just loves playing with her looks. She’s got a big, open, friendly way about her….and her own unique look. Her mom and her dad have different feelings about the body piercing though. Her dad is against it, but her mom thinks it is okay. This may surprise you…. Bree is the straightest person she knows. She doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs. She’s usually home early, and couldn’t be a better kid. She chooses to express her individuality through her appearance. What’s the right “battle” for these parents to pick?

Johanna’s room is a pit. It’s impossible to see the floor, the clothes never make it into either a drawer or a hamper, and it’s rare the towels are actually in the bathroom. Johanna is also a straight A student, she’s on the honor council, plays 2 sports and babysits every other weekend. Although she isn’t always nice to her little sister, she has reasonably open communication with her mom, and her mom is quite certain Johanna isn’t involved in drinking or using drugs. But here’s the thing: Johanna’s mom is about to ground her to eternity because she can’t stand the room mess. What do you think? Is this the right battle to fight?

There isn’t just one right answer in any of these true scenarios. It’s a parent’s choice as to what you will tolerate, and what you won’t. I suggest you keep the long view in mind, take into account what your teen is doing right, and do your best to put yourself in their shoes. Compromise and negotiation are your friends. If your teen is flirting with behavior that can hurt him or get her in serious trouble then that’s the battle to focus on…. No compromises there.

Thanks for subscribing to my Two-Minute Tips for Parenting Teens……. ‘Til next week…I'm Sue Blaney