Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Help Your Teen Save Face >>Listen

Have you ever embarrassed yourself?  Have you ever done something or said something that was pretty stupid? Sure, we all have. And it’s not fun feeling the aftermath, particularly if that embarrassment expands into shame.

Shame undermines one’s confidence, and if you are a teenager your confidence is likely to be a fragile, ever-changing attribute. Even if your teenager has done something very dumb, and needs to have some serious correction, you don’t want to shame her …that is counter-productive.

Carole Ann’s daughter Nicki was spending a lot of time at her friend’s house where there wasn’t much supervision, and Carole Ann’s sixth sense made her uneasy about it. This was the hangout for the older brother and his friends, and 14 year old Nicki found their attention flattering. Carole Ann was understandably upset when she went over there and found her daughter in a minimally clothed and compromising position…and yet Carole Ann bit her tongue, responding carefully. Wisely, she took her time dealing with this situation, knowing how fragile her daughter’s feelings were. If Carole Ann said what she wanted to….and scolded and shamed Nicki, she might have further diminished Nicki’s sense of self. This smart mom understood that for Nicki to learn from and move past this unpleasant experience she needed all the confidence and strength she could muster…and this informed Carole Ann’s choice of words and actions.

Your teenager is going to make mistakes and need correction. While you guide your teen to learn from his mistakes, try to do this in a way that is positive and builds him up… for helping your teen develop a strong sense of self is essential to developing his ability to say no at times, to extricate himself from bad situations, and to ultimately make choices that reflect his values. This won’t always be easy as you may have to bite your tongue as you think strategically and control what you say.

Tread carefully; try not to over-react; think things through before you respond to delicate situations, and when you do respond it’s probably best to do it privately. Helping your teen to save face ensures you are on the same side of the table, not adversaries with opposing goals.  

Thanks for subscribing to my Two-Minute Tips for Parenting Teens ……. ‘Til next week…I'm Sue Blaney