Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Look in the mirror. >>Listen

This is the 6th tip from my free downloadable e-book titled “Secrets to Success in Parenting Your Teen.” You’ll find a link to the e-book at ParentingTeensInfo.com.

I have good news for you, and I have bad news. Let me begin with the bad news. For those of you who wish to change your teenager – you can’t. You cannot change your child. Only he can do that. Now, here’s the good news…you have complete control over your behavior, and responses, and actions. So, you have enough control to dramatically influence the dynamics in your home, the communication in your family, and the relationships you hold dear. There is a lot that’s under your control….and all you need to do is be willing to look in the mirror and possibly make some changes.

Here’s how this works: Sometimes your teenager might become sullen, or non-communicative, or moody. Rather than begin a blame game, or demand that she change her attitude, you might ask yourself “How can I maximize my influence in this situation?” Consider the attitude you are expressing; note your body language, your tone of voice, even your energy. Are these elements contributing to the problem, or are they moving you both toward the solution?

You may know that my kids are no longer teenagers; I’m always honest about the fact that we went through some rough patches, as all families do. I learned to evaluate my behavior based on how I responded when a crisis occurred. I wanted to feel proud of the way I handled it, when I looked back. So I created for myself a “Crisis Response Plan” to help guide my behavior, and I’m happy to share it with you. It’s a simple four-step process for when something goes wrong and it goes like this:

Step One:    Breathe deeply to slow things down; sleep on it if at all possible. Things always look different in the light of a new day.

Step Two:     Identify objectively what has happened.  This sounds simple, but getting to the heart of the matter isn’t always obvious.

Step Three:   Ask “What is the best outcome we can have?”

Step Four:    Ask “How can I help make this happen?”

Let your answers guide your behavior. And, whether you need to implement a crisis response plan or just maximize your influence, be sure to tune in to the behavior that you have ultimate control over…and that’s your own.

We’ll continue with another secret in next week’s 2 minute tip. And feel free to share this free e-book with your colleagues and friends. Thanks for subscribing to my Two-Minute Tips for Parenting Teens……. ‘Til next time…I'm Sue Blaney