Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is Talk about feelings >>Listen

I recently heard a young man lament the family situation that forced him to not only behave impeccably through his growing up years, but he felt he couldn’t even allow himself to feel the true feelings that he had at the time. His younger brother had had an extended illness and everyone in the family rose to the occasion. Of course; they did the right thing at the time. But it is worth considering the cost of disallowing feelings – because this does come with a cost as this young adult can now attest.

Do you make it okay for your teenager to express her feelings? Some teens wear their feelings on their sleeve and express them loudly. And other teens are quite shut down in this area. Parents have a really important role to play in helping teenagers develop a healthy ability to experience, name  and manage their feelings. This may even present challenges to some of you, so this can be important personal work.

What parents aren’t always aware of, is that kids often get the impression that certain feelings will not be tolerated in their family. It’s important to distinguish here between feelings and behavior. All feelings are legitimate. Behavior – now that’s where we have to be careful. It can be harmful for your teen to feel that some of his or her legitimate and sincere feelings are not okay. Your teenager has a right to her feelings. And it’s important you let her know that. Letting them simmer under the surface, never seeing the light of day, can be unhealthy for your child. This very issue keeps many a psychologist in business – and thank heavens for them!

The best thing you can do is talk about your feelings. Give voice to how you feel, and demonstrate to your teens that you can experience some difficult and even painful feelings and still go on. Talk about this, this is an important life lesson.  Difficult feelings are a part of life, and your teens are better off if they learn to experience and manage them, rather than push them away. Not allowing certain feelings, or ignoring them can undermine relationships, communication…even one’s mental health.

Let your kids know that all feelings are acceptable. Nurture and guide your teens so they develop an emotional vocabulary and the ability to identify how they feel. This helps them to develop an essential ability to be self-aware and to learn how to meet their own emotional needs.

For a longer discussion about this topic, please visit www.PleaseStoptheRollercoaster.com and see the March 12 blog entry.

Thanks for subscribing to my Two-Minute Tips for Parenting Teens……. Til next time…I'm Sue Blaney