Hi – Sue Blaney here with your Parenting Tip from Parenting Teens Info.com

My tip this week is to
Talk less and listen more >>Listen

Has your teenager ever tuned you out? I can guess the answer to that question. In fact, I can see the scenario that plays out in millions of households every day.…your son’s glazed over eyes that don’t move from the computer or television screen even as you harp on him about taking the dog out, or finishing homework or picking up his room. You sound like a broken record and your message is not getting through. Parents engage in one-way communication – too often. You have two ears and one mouth, so let’s make our goal to listen twice as often as we speak with our teens.

One thing that may be behind this unbalanced communication pattern is that you simply don’t have enough time together. I know time is at a premium, and you have certain points you need to say – right? Rather than squeezing in more talk, try to expand your time together; aim for connection so that two-way communication can unfold naturally. Then, remind yourself to zip-it and listen.

Sometimes parents’ bad habits inadvertently shut-down communication. Moralizing and advising are big turn-offs to teens, and parents are pretty famous for doing it anyway. You’ve probably already instilled the morals that you wish to teach, so rather than beat them in further, ask open ended questions and listen to your teen’s thoughts and rationale. You might ask “Why do you think she did that?” “How did that feel to you?”  Make sure she knows that you are not going to judge her, so that she’ll feel safe in sharing her thoughts.

Surely there are times you need to get a point across and your teen isn’t making it easy for you. Use humor, surprise him by behaving in a new way; sometimes one word is all that’s needed to get your point or instruction across. If he drops his backpack in the middle of the kitchen floor for the umpteenth time you can simply say “Backpack!” and the point is made without adding negative energy or making him feel scolded.

In order to talk less and listen more, focus on creating the opportunities for your teen to talk and share, and remember to bite your tongue if you have to. Go for that 2 to 1 ratio and watch the dynamics change for the better.

Thanks for subscribing to my Two-Minute Tips for Parenting
Teens…….

Til next time…I'm Sue Blaney