Parents of Teens: Employ New Communication Strategies – 2 Minute Tip for Parenting Teens
2MT:
This is the third tip from my free downloadable e-book titled “Secrets to Success in Parenting Your Teen.” You’ll find a link to the e-book at ParentingTeensInfo.com.
Communication changes when you have teens. “Duh!” you say. I know…it can be hard for parents who wonder why your teens don’t seem to want to talk with you like they used to. While many of their changes are reflective of their development – and therefore it’s more about them than you – there are some common mistakes that parents make in communicating with teens. Let’s look at three common mistakes and identify some techniques to use.
First, parents often fail to change your communication techniques. You see, it stands to reason that the old communication tactics that were effective when your kids were little are less effective, if for no other reason than they are undergoing such dynamic growth and change. With teens you’ll want to engage them in conversation rather than direct them. Listen with respect to what they have to say, and remember that they must develop their sense of voice and power. Be willing to negotiate (except on your few non-negotiable rules) and allow them input into the discussion and rules.
The second mistake parents make is problem-solving without being asked. When parents jump in to solve your teen’s problems you are giving the message that she isn’t capable to solve them herself. It’s best to listen and ask her if and how you might be able to help her.
Thirdly, parents are sometimes over-involved to save your teen from mistakes or pain. The experience of struggle, and even failure and pain helps a child to develop resilience and the knowledge that he can survive life’s ups and downs. Parents, check your responses carefully so you don’t suffocate your teen… say less and listen more. Of course you’ll need to use good judgment here, but it’s important to allow them to experience life.
The communication tactics that parents need to add into your repertoire are what I call “indirect communication” tactics. Rather than expect your teen to sit with you for long heart-to-heart talks, you need to become adept at reading your teen on the fly. Tune into body language; ask open ended questions; know your teen’s friends and engage them in conversation – appropriately – at every opportunity; know your teen’s friends parents; develop relationships with all the adults who play an important role in your teen’s life – teachers, coaches, youth leaders etc; use car-time to talk; stay up late occasionally and be on their schedule rather than yours. and going out of your way to do things together may create the most natural opportunities for pleasant communication.
Hope these ideas help you!
We’ll continue with another secret in next week’s 2 minute tip. And feel free to share this free e-book with your colleagues and friends.
